One More Nail In The Coffin

So today I noticed that Mr. Brad Pyne finally changed his profile from "Single" to "In a Relationship" (a week after Mike had changed his). Rebound or not, that's hard for me to see. But it's one more reason to move on. And move on I shall. Although it'll really hurt to see Brad's status say "In a Relationship with Michael Jason Poole".

Two things that hinted to me he was seeing someone else before i found out for sure: 1. talking to him on MSN, he would take forever to reply, when before he replied instantly (as i mentioned in my May 10 blog) and 2. he wrote on the wall of an event that he wasn't sure if he was going to. because he might go to a friend of brad's party that day.

Damages; Talk with Jennie

So today I was talking to Jennie while I was doing damages about the whole Mike and Brad thing. She said she'd heard of him since Mike's birthday, so he's been around a while apparently. I'm guessing since before Mike and I broke up. And I'd imagine they only started officially seeing each other after Mike dumped me. Jennie asked me if i was angry, and i said no, not at her. She says she doesn't think the thing with Brad will last, but that's cold comfort. She said she texted Mike yesterday and that Mike asked how I was holding up, and she told him 'not well'. And i was like, you could have lied. But yeah she said she thinks Mike and I had something special. Which I have no idea what she's basing that on. But i like to think she's right. She thinks eventually Mike will realize that. But maybe she's just saying that to make me feel better. I asked her if she really believed that, and she said she didn't really the two of us that well. I told her that Mike specifically said that he doesn't love me anymore, and she said that she thinks Mike said it because he's trying to tell himself that. She aslso says she thinks he said it to make it easier for me to move on. But who knows. He seemed completely unemotional when i was balling my eyes out in the parking lot behind Jack Astor's. I keep thinking back to what he said maybe a month ago. Like he asked me how i would feel if he cheated on me. I don't remember how i answered. But this whole situation has been heart-wrenching, yet I'd still take him back in a nanosecond, even if he had fooled around with Brad or whatever. Just cuz i love him unconditional and nothing he does can change that. But I'll still move on, because I have to, and I want to hurt less. When Mike and I were talking in the jack astor's parking lot, i told mike that i didn't believe we were meant to be over. And i said because i knew it in my heart. And he was pretty insistent on how i KNEW we weren't meant to be. And he was like, 'well, maybe we're supposed to end now'. And i was like 'i don't believe that'. I think at that point he already had Brad in mind now that i think about it. And that he was thinking how foolish i was for believing that. Which is kinda depressing. Also depressing is the picture Brad has of a rose which is like identical to a rose Mike gave me last, a few weeks ago. Earlier that day he had said that he had something to tell me, and that it would make me angry or whatever. He refused to tell me, and later said it was that he didn't think we should get back together. Maybe what he meant to tell me was that he was seeing someone else.

Remembrance of Fallings Past

So I was talking to Andrew today and he said that Mike's Facebook hadn't actually been deleted. So I investigated and he was right. It was still there. I just couldn't see it. I had to log in as Banana Llama to see it. Andrew also said that he saw Mike at Woody's last Monday. (That was the day Mike and I went to Jack Astor's for the last time.) And he said that his friend was checking Mike out and Mike was checking him out back. So clearly Mike has moved on, so I should too.

Yesterday I think I poked Brian on Facebook. Today he poked me back, and I poked him back and then also decided to text him a message that said "poke" and then he called me, not knowing who it was that had poked him and he was like "oh it's you". But so we talked for a bit and it was nice hearing his voice again. It was goo to talk to him again. And things were pretty civil. And I requested to add him on Facebook, and he asked me why the change of heart, and I said because there was nothing keeping us from being friends anymore. And he asked how the breakup was, and I told him I hadn't felt so upset since he and I broke up. And he brought up the one time I fell off his bed lol.

Delayed Reaction

What's bugging me lately about Mike is that he barely talks to me. Like, when I send him a text message, he'll either send one message back and not reply to any further messages, or he'll just not reply at all. And I rarely see him on MSN anymore. And he doesn't really message me when he is. And when he is, his replies are very delayed. I remember the last time that happened, where someone who used to reply to a message pretty much instantly stopped replying as quickly. I was suspicious that that person had met someone else, and I had been correct. Like, 10 minutes in between MSN messages is pretty delayed. And in general it's around 3-4 minute delay, rather than the instant nature our conversations over MSN used to have.

On top of all of that, it seems like the only reason he messaged me today on MSN was to ask if my brother could rip/burn newer DVDs. I told him I didn't think we saw each other enough to make it worth the time to drop off a DVD and then get it burned. I know he could just drop it off and not see me that day, but that's really not fair to me (or my brother). I hate feeling used like that. Before it would have been something I'd have no problem to do (ask my brother to burn a DVD). Now it's just like, ugh, why are you even asking? This after yesterday not talking to him on MSN at all. I find it frustrating. Especially since I'm supposedly supposed to be showing him that I've changed or am trying to change. That's very difficult when he's being difficult and making me feel like crap.