I always knew I'd end up alone. I'll most likely die alone too. Although hopefully that's not for a while. I guess I'm just not relationship material, as much as I might try. My life has been plagued by failed relationships and disappointments. I find it odd that I never get over a person until I really truly care about someone else. Most recently that's been in regards to Brian, who I never really got over until I started really caring about Mike. But this isn't the first time it's happened. Regardless, with all the shit that's been happening with Mike lately, I've been pretty depressed, sad, unhappy, angry, pissed off and mad. Brian always used to say I overreacted to stuff. And now Mike has been saying the same thing. But by the same token, Mike overreacts to things as well.
I was going to write this blog on Facebook, but too many people could actually read that one, in particular Mike. I'm really scared that I will lose him, or have already lost him. That depresses me because it leaves me completely alone. I haven't seen Ken in months, Matthew Stokes or Matthew Stevens in years, and well that about rounds up all the friends I've had since high school. Which is in itself pretty depressing. At least I was happy with Mike. We may have had our fights, but we had a lot of great times together. And there were still so many things I wanted us to do. It's all those missed opportunities that get to me.
What also really bothers is me is his ignoring me. That really hurts. And it also makes me angry and makes me think, "fine, be that way, I don't want to talk to you anyway". We've had fights before, but this one seems to be worse, because we're not even talking. It feels over, and it pisses me off that it could be for no reason at all. I don't understand why all my relationships have to turn to shit. Saturday was our 16-month, and it seems like such a waste to end it after that long. If we could last 16 months, then we should be able to weather anything. It makes me feel like he really doesn't care, regardless of what he might say. It makes me feel lonely and unloved, and makes me just want to cry.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
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2 comments:
Well, you can say what you want, but here's a kick for you: I have NO IDEA how I got onto this blog at this particular time. I obviously am in charge of this comp, but I don't know how I got here, the day after you posted in almost a year. Hmmm. Well, since I'm here, why wasn't I
listed as one of your friends??? I require an answer, Dan! Brian, Mike, and I are related, and you're the common thread. So you figure it out. You're just copping a plea when you say you want to cry. Humans have the ability to change their environment and behavior. But in the words of the famous 'Fab Four': "and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make". But it can't just be with the BF du jour, it has to be with everybody. Maybe some day you will get this thru your hard head!
Andre
Here's another comment, after having re-read your post: the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. You know what I mean, Dan?
A
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